I have been married since 1983. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. I am so tired of these therapists and all there lets support the one who doesnt want sex but dismiss the one who is still in love and desires romance more than anything with KEEP MASTURBATING Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? 19. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. I just cant keep going like this. Not getting the right treatment, not knowing how to deal with depression and then having the pressure to get into physical intimacy is not a good mix. The wife was boring and I had to follow so many rules and regulations when it came to sleeping and sex together. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. Hmmm. She has absolutely no interest in it. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. married 57 years. Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. I realized that her life and passion are our girls (which she refers to as her girls). Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. Yeah Andrew me too. Very sad!!! Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Divorce? 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. Problem or seek medical help. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. I am 62 and my husband is 63. First few years sex was great. This so frustrating at times. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Its worth discussing with your doctor. Could it be that your wife avoids intimacy and shuns the idea of making love? Hi Mary Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. There is a lot more going on there. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. Who risks? Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. That may not be possible. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. I felt like she just gave me away to anyone emotionally and physically. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". My husband became disabled and had to quit his job. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. . I feared marriage for tears because I knew this is what it would be. He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. Agree Sean. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. Four years of treatment, a fried heart valve replacement due to radiation. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. I am at my wits end. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. Thanks for your candid note. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. My spouse of 40 years has no lnterest ln sex ,he does not touch me exsept when on the couch he puts his leg over mine and hugs me before we go to bed as l have scoliosis and need to sleep ln a diff bed we go to places together and we get along he says lt is his prostate which the Dr confirmed but l feel lf he really wanted to he could he says after an o lt bothers him ,l love him,but feel he ls angry at me for stupid mistakes l made in the past not cheating but as cracked up our car ,l just want to feel loved,he bought me flowers for mothers day but l bitched as. bcb We men are not brain dead. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Hell go out and get what you can as long as its safe and mutually desired. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. I am 60, and my husband is 65. I like cuddling. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. If your wife never initiates sex, its time to bring out your inner charmer and start romancing your wife. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) Thank you Jeff! Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us. Dear, dear men, We are both active and healthy. All rights reserved. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. Thats crazy my husband is the one who is lacking in wanting orgasms, I still need them daily so I continue with out him, I am tired of all the good years I wasted on him waiting lol our kids are grown and gone I still love sex! Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. My Wife Loves Me But Doesn't Want Sex: Why & What To Do - YourTango After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to Amen. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. So, basically youre saying, My needs outweigh your life. I dont care if you die, so long as I get 3 minutes of pleasure.. Learn how your comment data is processed. var disqus_config = function () { Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Wife Doesn't Want You To Touch Her? (Understand its Meaning) So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Food shape. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. If your wife wont touch you, maybe something has changed. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? Thank you, great essay. NO! Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? When we have been lucky enough to have experienced phenomenal sex with our partners and that has been cut off, that does not mean we stop wanting or needing sex and intimacy. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. He seems to think (as far as I can surmise) that sex is just a little bit dirty or should only be used for procreation purposes. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. 2. I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. 24 years younger than I. I hear a lot of men on here talk of leaving their wives over this. Is it something we should split over? The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. I have hypertension and medications have affected my ability to get an erection. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. I dont know what to do! Thats great but what about the man? 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. Harley Remember what you felt, believed, and why. What to do about it: Don't jump to conclusions. Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. Great but no sex at 69. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. and I feel I have been cheated. This is not rocket science, bro. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). I would like to add that many women also feel a great deal of resentment which builds over time I had literally experienced everything you mentioned in your post and then I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer. I was her first love. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. Its all a crock. Sounds like you were already successful and that attracted her to you. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex.
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